Between Joy and Pain in the &*@&#^$%^!!

Things can get kind of ugly when something you love - that helps you relax and do something good for your body and mind - becomes a chore and you feel as though your strength is half what it should be and with your teeth gritting you count down the seconds till you end your practice... Well, learning is supposed to be cyclical. That is learning is like a circle slowly moving up - the idea being you take 2 steps up a staircase, but also 1 step back before you move on.

This week I think in many respects I'm taking that one step back. Last night my arms seemed weak and I was not connecting properly with my abdominals. I could not do a headstand even though I was making progress and was beginning to be able to do it each evening after 2 or 3 tries. While my upward bow is getting good enough, it was a chore getting up there and my lower back was sore. It took me almost to the end of my practice last night to get to my best downward dog - as least as close to properly as I could.

What made me feel better about this practice was that I have practiced very consistently for the last 5 months. I also had studied with an interesting DVD with teacher Erich Schiffman last Friday. In the DVD, he spends 1 1/2 hours to teach you how to do the FULL lotus position through a variety of stretches and hip opening exercises. His voice through the practice is very soothing and gentle. He says kind words such as "Don't push yourself - wait for it to let you in..." or "Do it so that it feels good, do it so that you enjoy the stretch." As I was reflecting on my practice last night, I thought about the kinds of things that Erich Schiffman said, and maybe part of the problem is that I am overthinking my practice and not enjoying it. I always find that I can do my headstand best when I feel the most relaxed. The fact that a very inflexible me was able to get my legs into a lotus (at least lying down) says something about what the power of enjoyment can do to your practice.

Enjoying your practice rather than doing it as a pain in the *&^*$^&%R&!!! may be the difference between making those important gains in your yoga practice or not... Anyways just some hazy self-reflection here... but possibly a grain of truth hidden behind all of this....